marți, 30 iulie 2013

Etichetele puse copiilor

Cand era Vladut in clasa I am citit de mai multe ori ca nu trebuie etichetati copiii. Ca trebuie sa le fie laudat efortul si evolutia si nu etichetati.Ca nu trebuie sa le facem complimente generale ci cat mai specifice, pentru un anumit comportament.

Eu ii spuneam lui Vladut ca e destept ca sa il incurajez sa aiba incredere in el. Ma bazam pe urmatorul rationament: daca ii spun ca e destept are incredere in fortele lui si era mare nevoie de asta din cauza nevoii de a se adapta la scoala.

Dupa ce am citit eu ca nu trebuie etichetat am incetat sa ii mai spun ca e destept. Dar asta l-a facut sa fie foarte derutat, chiar parea ca nu mai are incredere in el. Daca eu nu i-am mai spus ca e destept parca incepea sa creada ca nu e.

Am revenit si am ales o cale de mijloc. Am reinceput sa ii spun ca e destept. Dar ii spun permanent ca daca nu munceste atunci ramane destept pentru varsta pe care o are acum si nu va progresa. Ii laud mult efortul chiar si cand e mic. Si ii spun mereu ca nu poate reliza nimic decat daca munceste mult.

Am gasit azi un articol foarte interesant pe aceeasi tema pe pagina de Facebook a Salvati Copiii Romania: Cum sa nu vorbim cu copiii. Nu e bine sa le spunem copiilor ca sint destepti pentru ca nu vor vrea sa faca nici un efort daca ei considera ca nu pot face bine ceva. E mai bine sa le spunem ca sint foarte muncitori.

Imi place finalul articolului.

"Offering praise has become a sort of panacea for the anxieties of modern parenting. Out of our children’s lives from breakfast to dinner, we turn it up a notch when we get home. In those few hours together, we want them to hear the things we can’t say during the day—We are in your corner, we are here for you, we believe in you.

In a similar way, we put our children in high-pressure environments, seeking out the best schools we can find, then we use the constant praise to soften the intensity of those environments. We expect so much of them, but we hide our expectations behind constant glowing praise. The duplicity became glaring to me.

Eventually, in my final stage of praise withdrawal, I realized that not telling my son he was smart meant I was leaving it up to him to make his own conclusion about his intelligence. Jumping in with praise is like jumping in too soon with the answer to a homework problem—it robs him of the chance to make the deduction himself.

But what if he makes the wrong conclusion?

Can I really leave this up to him, at his age?

I’m still an anxious parent. This morning, I tested him on the way to school: “What happens to your brain, again, when it gets to think about something hard?”

“It gets bigger, like a muscle,” he responded, having aced this one before."

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